Mistress Xia must be ranked among the more self-insightful and eloquent professional dominatrices:
The charge that comes with dominating is often not a directly physically-induced sensation. Much of it depends on establishing a good connection with the slave. Being highly attuned to the permutations of their masochistic and submissive leanings as we act them out. The pleasure I derive is almost like a contact high. It’s being there psychically, so that I also ride out the peaks and valleys of their journey.
For me, being a sadist is not about remaining the outsider, simply observing the pain of another. I like to call myself a sadomasochist because the word blends the twin concepts of sadism and masochism, hinting at their yin-yang duality. When I am guiding a scene and a space of ecstatic SM is created — be it from physical or psychological torment — I am immersed in a way that is bigger than any individual self, and in this sense I am both sadist and masochist.
I have always had sadistic inclinations, but I have not always known how to deal with them in a healthy way. I remember making my little brother stand on a stool to reach up for something in the cupboard, just so I could pull it out from under him and watch him fall. I remember seeing how many times I could bring my little sister to tears, then console her, then bring her back to tears again. I remember verbally castigating my older brother countless times for what I perceived of as his emotional weakness.
I am not proud of these childish forays, when I was still finding my moral compass. I did not know how to be a decent sadist — certainly never heard of safe, sane and consensual! I only knew that it sometimes felt good to be mean, but that it also made me feel like there was something wrong with me. At the worst of times, I felt rotten to the core. Sadly, conventional society provided very few pointers.
Originally posted 2006-07-25 14:49:25. Republished by Blog Post Promoter
