Comments on: Crop Circles http://www.femdomweblogs.com/prodommes/meretrix-nyc-prodomme-blog Blogs by dominant women and submissive men engaged in consensual power exchange and sadomasochistic play. Thu, 04 Mar 2010 03:12:03 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: MissBabydoll http://www.femdomweblogs.com/prodommes/meretrix-nyc-prodomme-blog/comment-page-1#comment-15 MissBabydoll Wed, 15 Nov 2006 04:44:17 +0000 http://www.femdomweblogs.com/prodommes/meretrix-nyc-prodomme-blog/#comment-15 I second both Meretrix's and MWK's emotions. I hate having to tell a sub that it's no good, I'm just not feeling it any more, and because I believe in what I do as a Domme, I have to end it, because I can't keep faking it. But equally I hate it (as happened recently to me) when a long-time pet comes in and says that he has fallen in love with a wonderful Dominant woman and she with him, and, well, he guesses this is goodbye. And even more I hate it when the sub just dumps me cold--because he has decided he wants to go vanilla, or he has found another Domme he likes better, or he just up and vanishes--doesn't return calls or messages. It was actually MWK whom I went to crying and asking for counsel the first time I got ditched by a sub I had grown very attached to, and she told me that yeah, it happens, and if you're a serious Domme you will get attached and when they leave it's like losing a big patch of skin. I've lost and regrown a lot of skin since MWK kindly warned me, but scars remain. Sometimes I wonder how long I'll be able to go on being a Pro, and I even envy the women who can just put the game face on, figure the boy out, and deliver crisply and professionally what he needs, even when they could not care less if they ever see him again. Because that's the point. I have found that a deep intimacy develops between Me and My longtime, inner-circle subs, and despite having the power within the terms of the relationship, I am intensely vulnerable to each of them nonetheless. I don't know any other way to do the work. I need to get as far inside his head and also into his heart. That means I develop empathy for him. What's more, I can't work with him for long if I don't like him. I mean, I can do a few sessions with someone I don't much care for at an emotional level if the kink is right, but as with any other personal relationship, liking becomes increasingly important as we go on. It seems absurd that I find it much easier to get really sadistic with a boy I like, whom I'm fond of even, than a boy I don't. I can be truly savage a few times with some guy whom I find creepy, but in the end it just makes me feel creepy too. Consensual sadism is a form of erotic intimacy, at least to me, and I don't want to enter that intimacy with someone for whom I feel no emotional affinity outside of kink. The up side is exactly what MWK says: the emotional bond strengthens the D/s bond. My emotional openness allows My sub to open up also, to bond with Me at a level deeper than our roles but inextricable from them--like the root system of a tree, mostly invisible but essential all the same. And that makes for hot play and deep submission. We should be proud as Dominant women that we are able to be hurtin our strength--because women's strength has never, unlike some versions of male strength, been dependent on some myth of invulnerability. Our strength is not only that of will and passion and intuition but also of endurance. I never guessed when I started on this road how much of it I would need. But the blaze of glory that is D/s at its most intense makes the pain worth it. I second both Meretrix’s and MWK’s emotions. I hate having to tell a sub that it’s no good, I’m just not feeling it any more, and because I believe in what I do as a Domme, I have to end it, because I can’t keep faking it. But equally I hate it (as happened recently to me) when a long-time pet comes in and says that he has fallen in love with a wonderful Dominant woman and she with him, and, well, he guesses this is goodbye. And even more I hate it when the sub just dumps me cold–because he has decided he wants to go vanilla, or he has found another Domme he likes better, or he just up and vanishes–doesn’t return calls or messages. It was actually MWK whom I went to crying and asking for counsel the first time I got ditched by a sub I had grown very attached to, and she told me that yeah, it happens, and if you’re a serious Domme you will get attached and when they leave it’s like losing a big patch of skin. I’ve lost and regrown a lot of skin since MWK kindly warned me, but scars remain. Sometimes I wonder how long I’ll be able to go on being a Pro, and I even envy the women who can just put the game face on, figure the boy out, and deliver crisply and professionally what he needs, even when they could not care less if they ever see him again.

Because that’s the point. I have found that a deep intimacy develops between Me and My longtime, inner-circle subs, and despite having the power within the terms of the relationship, I am intensely vulnerable to each of them nonetheless. I don’t know any other way to do the work. I need to get as far inside his head and also into his heart. That means I develop empathy for him. What’s more, I can’t work with him for long if I don’t like him. I mean, I can do a few sessions with someone I don’t much care for at an emotional level if the kink is right, but as with any other personal relationship, liking becomes increasingly important as we go on. It seems absurd that I find it much easier to get really sadistic with a boy I like, whom I’m fond of even, than a boy I don’t. I can be truly savage a few times with some guy whom I find creepy, but in the end it just makes me feel creepy too. Consensual sadism is a form of erotic intimacy, at least to me, and I don’t want to enter that intimacy with someone for whom I feel no emotional affinity outside of kink.

The up side is exactly what MWK says: the emotional bond strengthens the D/s bond. My emotional openness allows My sub to open up also, to bond with Me at a level deeper than our roles but inextricable from them–like the root system of a tree, mostly invisible but essential all the same. And that makes for hot play and deep submission. We should be proud as Dominant women that we are able to be hurtin our strength–because women’s strength has never, unlike some versions of male strength, been dependent on some myth of invulnerability. Our strength is not only that of will and passion and intuition but also of endurance. I never guessed when I started on this road how much of it I would need. But the blaze of glory that is D/s at its most intense makes the pain worth it.

]]> By: MWK http://www.femdomweblogs.com/prodommes/meretrix-nyc-prodomme-blog/comment-page-1#comment-14 MWK Mon, 26 Jun 2006 16:58:02 +0000 http://www.femdomweblogs.com/prodommes/meretrix-nyc-prodomme-blog/#comment-14 It's a situation, I am all too familiar with. How many times have I found myself somewhat surprised be the overwhelming feelings welling up in my eyes, squeezing my chest, and churning my tummy... fighting for their own validation. Seeking permission to emote. It's REALLY nice to hear from another PROFESSIONAL, that they too can sometimes find themselves experiencing this sort of emotional turmoil. It makes me feel not so alone, not so strange. It never ceases to amaze me how many times I have gotten the impression that there are certain camps out there that think of this sort of dynamic between Mistress and bottom/sub/slave, as a weakness in her. That because she forms something resembling a human relational bond with one of her boys, she some how diminishes her control? Like Domme's are suppose to be the embodiment of feminine power, short of any human vulnerability? I find that ludicrous... I think that if folks would set down their expectations and stereotypical anticipatory visions of what BDSM should/should not be, they would soon agree that emotional bonds only strengthen those of rope, leather, and chain. MWK It’s a situation, I am all too familiar with. How many times have I found myself somewhat surprised be the overwhelming feelings welling up in my eyes, squeezing my chest, and churning my tummy… fighting for their own validation. Seeking permission to emote.

It’s REALLY nice to hear from another PROFESSIONAL, that they too can sometimes find themselves experiencing this sort of emotional turmoil. It makes me feel not so alone, not so strange.

It never ceases to amaze me how many times I have gotten the impression that there are certain camps out there that think of this sort of dynamic between Mistress and bottom/sub/slave, as a weakness in her. That because she forms something resembling a human relational bond with one of her boys, she some how diminishes her control? Like Domme’s are suppose to be the embodiment of feminine power, short of any human vulnerability?

I find that ludicrous… I think that if folks would set down their expectations and stereotypical anticipatory visions of what BDSM should/should not be, they would soon agree that emotional bonds only strengthen those of rope, leather, and chain.

MWK

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