Man Puppy writes of that very complicated and risky fetish: cuckoldry.
Cuckoldry certainly appears to be a very complex area and i’m wondering if sitting down to write about it might help clarify some issues for me. Over the years i have read a lot of theories on the topic and still remain uncertain as to which strands of thinking apply in my case. Perhaps by ‘reviewing’ these thoughts, some insight may pop out of the woodwork and i will eventually understand what it’s all about.
Some years ago, i was married to a woman with whom i explored having sex outside the relationship. The rule was that she was allowed to have sex with others, but i was not, which was fine by me. However, the relationship dynamic was not D/s as it is with H.. at least, she was not the D. If anyone was driving and controlling this aspect of our lives, it was me. i was caught up in the idea of my wife being a ‘slut’ for others; the notion of her being possessed with a wanton sexuality that needed satiating. i did not feel personally threatened by our activities because i was confident of her feelings for me – she professed to be doing it because it pleased me and that in turn gave her pleasure. However, even at the time, i was aware of not being as concerned about the possible negative consequences as a partner should be – the marriage was based less on love than lust. i would go so far as to say that there was no point in the relationship when i could not imagine it ending. i knew that from the start, which is not something i am proud of.
Things with H are very different – we have both have ‘broad minded’ aspects to our past and both have a much clearer idea of what we value in a relationship. Our lives are given meaning by the other. We are profoundly in love.
Despite knowing this to my core, i still have fantasies of H being with other men. They take a number of forms but all place me in a ‘special position’ in relation to others; a position which preserves the idea of my specialness to Her. A specific example might be H requiring me to watch, while in chastity, as another man (usually particularly well endowed, whereas i am a ‘good average’), fucks Her energetically. He is ‘taking’ Her and She is submitting to his manliness and loving it. Another example, places me in the role of head submissive, one of a number of slave males. Together we pleasure H on Her command and my particular usefulness is knowing how best to do this and giving guidance to the other slaves on the finer points of worshipping H.
The fact that ‘specialness’ in these fantasies is important to me implies that they are examples of topping from below – i still maintain an element of control and am deciding what my role should be. i recognise that having decisions in this area is not part of the essence of servitude, but i also know that if such scenes did occur, and H instructed me to buy the groceries while She was enjoying the attentions of another man, i would still find it exhilarating.
H loves me, considers our relationship a private matter, and (beyond this blog) has no desire to share it. i sometimes understand this but i must confess that, at heart, i find it difficult to shake the idea that any woman would not enjoy such attentions, provided that they could be confident of no negative consequences for other aspects of the relationship.
In my own mind, making it clear that H could indulge Herself with others is a gift from me to Her. One day i may be clearer that it is not so much a ‘gift’ from me, but a right that She already has, but chooses not to exercise. i sometimes wonder (or is that fantasise?) whether being able to indulge herself with others is a kind of background long-term goal of H’s. Maybe it is a possibility that She keeps on the back burner for a time when She can be sure that i am sufficiently well trained to fully understand and appreciate, without any possibility of jealousy and resentment on my part, Her right to sexual pleasure, in whatever manner She wishes.
H has indicated that such scenarios have little chance of becoming reality, although She does share elements of the fantasies. She once dismissed the idea of having sex with another man in a way that only served to further fire my imagination by telling me that She didn’t want to do it in case She enjoyed it ‘too much’. …
Originally posted 2006-08-03 15:20:44. Republished by Blog Post Promoter
